When we talk about transgender and non-binary people, terms like ‘gender dysphoria’ and ‘gender euphoria’ are often used. But what do these terms actually mean?
Gender dysphoria as a medical term Gender dysphoria is the term used in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to describe the psychological distress that occurs when someone’s gender identity does not match the sex they were assigned at birth. Although gender dysphoria is not classified as a mental disorder, it is recognized as a diagnosis to help people access medical care if they need it. The term is used in the medical field to identify transgender and non-binary people who are eligible for gender-affirming care.
To access this care, gender dysphoria must be officially diagnosed by a psychologist or psychiatrist, who must follow the criteria in the DSM-5. This system often places gender psychologists and psychiatrists in the role of gatekeepers, meaning transgender and non-binary individuals often have to prove they are “trans enough” to receive the support needed. Many transgender and non-binary people, as well as some gender psychologists and psychiatrists, find the DSM system stigmatising and view the diagnosis requirement as an obstacle to receiving care.
In this blog, however, we want to focus on the individual experiences of gender dysphoria and gender euphoria. While we can criticise the system, we aim to make it better understandable to those who experience either discomfort or joy related to their gender identity.
The definition of gender dysphoria and gender euphoria Gender dysphoria refers to the discomfort or psychological distress that someone feels when their gender identity doesn’t align with their assigned gender at birth. This can be both physical and social: gender dysphoria might come from feeling dissatisfied with one’s body or from social situations where a person’s gender is not recognized or affirmed.
Gender euphoria refers to the positive feelings, inner joy, and peace someone experiences when their gender identity is fully expressed. This can also be both physical and social: gender euphoria can come from physical changes that align better with one’s identity or from social recognition and validation of who someone truly is.
Examples of body dysphoria and euphoria Body dysphoria occurs when a person feels discomfort because their body doesn’t match their gender identity. This could include feeling unhappy with one’s breasts, genitalia, or bodily characteristics like body hair or muscle mass that don’t align with how they see themselves. A person’s voice can also be a source of dysphoria, as well as body shapes that don’t match the desired gender identity.
Body dysphoria is generally a personal experience, but it can also occur during interactions. For example, someone might feel uncomfortable if they are touched on their shoulders or hips. In many cases, this leads to the desire for medical interventions, like surgeries or hormone treatments, to make the body align more with one’s gender experience. These physical changes can lead to body euphoria, which is the joy or satisfaction someone feels when their body or expression matches their gender identity. Examples of body euphoria include the happiness someone feels when their body changes through hormone treatment or when they feel proud and comfortable in clothing that reflects their gender identity.
Examples of social dysphoria and euphoria Social dysphoria can occur when someone is not treated as the gender they identify with. This type of dysphoria might happen when someone is misgendered with the wrong pronouns or forced to choose between gendered spaces, such as public restrooms or changing rooms. Social euphoria happens when someone feels seen and heard by others or in certain spaces. By addressing someone with their correct name and pronouns, you contribute to the social gender euphoria of transgender and non-binary people.
Do you have to experience dysphoria to feel euphoria? No, you don’t have to experience dysphoria to experience euphoria, or vice versa. Not everyone feels bodily or social dysphoria. For example, some demigirls and demiboys may identify with being female or male physically but not with the social gender norms, roles, and expectations attached to those identities. Cisgender people might experience gender euphoria but usually don’t experience gender dysphoria, as they typically don’t encounter situations where their gender is misinterpreted.
Not every gender identity will experience the same types of dysphoria or euphoria, as these experiences vary from person to person. For example, not all transgender men experience body dysphoria related to their primary sex characteristics. Some people think that with a certain gender identity, there should come certain expectations—for example, transgender women should have a higher voice, breasts, no facial hair, and a vulva, or non-binary people should appear androgynous and not “too masculine” or “too feminine.” These are stereotypical norms that come from the binary gender system that dominates society, and it’s important to let go of these assumptions.
Gender dysphoria and gender euphoria are personal experiences, so don’t make assumptions. What you can do is ask someone what can make them feel dysphoric and how you can contribute to their gender euphoria.
Trigger warning: This blog discusses suicide and suicide statistics.
The mental health of trans and non-binary people A recent study (2022) by The Trevor Project reveals that 59% of transgender men and boys, 48% of transgender women and girls, and 53% of non-binary youth have considered attempting suicide. Take a moment to take that in -this means that, on average, 1 in 2 trans and non-binary youngsters find life so unbearable that they struggle with suicidal thoughts, and feel that life is hopeless. About 1 in 5 of these youths have actually attempted suicide, with 20% feeling they no longer have the will to keep fighting. Their mental health is at a critically low point. This is an issue we must tackle together.
How do these statistics compare with other groups? You might be curious how these numbers compare to other young people. Among cisgender LGB youth (those who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and feel comfortable with their sex assigned at birth), 1 in 10 attempt suicide. We can recognize a clear difference in mental health between LGB youth and trans and non-binary youth. Additionally, other identity-related factors affect these numbers. Queer youth who are Black, Indigenous, or People of Color (BIPOC) are twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to white queer youth.
What can we do to save lives? In the Trevor Project study, trans and non-binary youth have expressed that social support from family and community makes a big difference. And that's where each of us can help-social support is something we can offer together. One of the top five ways to provide this support is by correctly using a person's name and pronouns. This is further supported by Trevor Project's 2023 research, which found that trans and non-binary youth report lower rates of suicide attempts when people in their lives consistently respect their pronouns. Using correct pronouns, in this case, truly can save lives.
Beyond using someone's pronouns respectfully yourself, you can actively contribute to normalizing the use of pronouns in your surroundings. Simple proactive adjustments like introducing yourself with your pronouns, asking others for theirs, and adding your pronouns in your email, Instagram bio, or WhatsApp profile can help create a culture of acceptance that greatly supports trans and non-binary people.
Are you struggling with suicidal thoughts and need someone to talk to? Reach out to 113 for support.
*The Trevor Project is a US-based NGO with a mission to prevent suicide among LGBTQ youth. Alongside providing counseling in the U.S., they conduct large-scale research on the mental health of trans and non-binary youth. Their 2022 survey included over 30,000 LGBTQ youth, of whom 48% were trans or non-binary, 19% questioning their gender, and 33% cisgender.
*BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color. Pronounced as “bye-pock,” this term aims to center the experiences of Black and Indigenous groups and highlight solidarity among communities of color.
Trigger warning: This blog discusses suicide and suicide statistics.
The mental health of trans and non-binary people Research published by The Trevor Project in 2022 shows that 59% of transgender men and boys, 48% of transgender women and girls, and 53% of non-binary youth have seriously considered suicide. Let that sink in for a moment, because it means that on average 1 in 2 trans and non-binary young people find life unbearable, experience suicidal thoughts, and see no way forward. 1 in 5 trans and non-binary young people actually attempt to take their own life—meaning 20% have lost the will to keep fighting. The mental health of these young people has reached a critical low point. This is something we all need to take responsibility for and address together.
How do these statistics compare with other groups? You might be curious how these numbers compare to other young people. Among cisgender LGB youth (those who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and feel comfortable with their sex assigned at birth), 1 in 10 attempt suicide. We can recognise a clear difference in mental health between LGB youth and trans and non-binary youth. Additionally, other identity-related factors affect these numbers. Queer youth who are Black, Indigenous, or People of Color (BIPOC) are twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to white queer youth.
What can we do to save lives? In the Trevor Project study, trans and non-binary youth have expressed that social support from family and community makes a big difference. And that’s where each of us can help—social support is something we can offer together. One of the top five ways to provide this support is by correctly using a person’s name and pronouns. This is further supported by Trevor Project’s 2023 research, which found that trans and non-binary youth report lower rates of suicide attempts when people in their lives consistently respect their pronouns. Using correct pronouns, in this case, truly can save lives.
Beyond using someone’s pronouns respectfully yourself, you can actively contribute to normalising the use of pronouns in your surroundings. Simple proactive adjustments like introducing yourself with your pronouns, asking others for theirs, and adding your pronouns in your email, Instagram bio, or WhatsApp profile can help create a culture of acceptance that greatly supports trans and non-binary people.
*The Trevor Project is a US-based NGO with a mission to prevent suicide among LGBTQ youth. Alongside providing counselling in the U.S., they conduct large-scale research on the mental health of trans and non-binary youth. Their 2022 survey included over 30,000 LGBTQ youth, of whom 48% were trans or non-binary, 19% questioning their gender, and 33% cisgender.
*BIPOC - BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous and People of Color. Pronounced “bye-pock,” this is a term die specifically intended to focus on the experiences of black and inheemse groups and show solidarity between communities of color.
When talking about transgender and non-binary people, you often hear the word “ally,” but what does it really mean? An ally is someone who doesn't belong to a certain group (in this case, not a transgender person), but supports and advocates for their safety, acceptance, and rights. Transgender and non-binary people are part of a marginalized group, meaning they often have less power and fewer opportunities in society due to how it is structured. That's why they need allies-people who help create a better society where everyone has equal chances. But how can you be a good ally?
Do's and don'ts Allies don't just tolerate transgender and non-binary people; they also stand up for the community. They help make sure the community feels heard, accepted, and respected in society. Do you consider yourself an ally but aren't sure how you can help transgender and non-binary people? Check out these tips!
Educate yourself! As an ally, it's important to know what you're talking about. You can't be an ally if you haven't taken the time to learn. So, make sure you do your research! Reading this blog is a good first step. You can also explore other blogs and reliable sites such as Transvision, Transgender Network, or Movisie.
Don't use transgender or non-binary people as an encyclopaedia. It's great that you want to learn more about transgender people, but constantly bombarding someone from this community with questions can feel overwhelming. Many transgender and non-binary people regularly face inappropriate or overly personal questions. Someone's transgender identity doesn't always need to be the topic of conversation. It can be better to do your own research than to quiz the person directly.
Ask about personal stories If you have a close relationship with someone who is trans or non-binary, create a safe space for them to talk about their needs, transition process, or feelings of dysphoria or euphoria. It's also important to respect if someone doesn't want to share their story. The goal is to provide space, not to dissect their experience. Every trans and non-binary person has their own unique story, and it's essential to avoid assuming everyone shares the same experiences or opinions.
Pronouns, pronouns, pronouns We all have pronouns. Use your own pronouns in places like your email, social media bio, or in conversation. When introducing yourself, try saying, “Hi, I'm ... and my pronouns are she/her, what are yours?” By doing this everywhere, you create a welcoming environment where you can support trans and non-binary people. You also ensure that they don't have to be the first to state their pronouns, normalizing sharing pronouns for everyone!
Speak up about mistakes or ignorance Many people use their lack of knowledge as an excuse to keep making mistakes. It can be tough for trans and non-binary people to face this, but allies can help. If you hear someone make a mistake, gently point it out and explain why it's harmful. You can also help people learn how to use the right pronouns by practising talking about that person with others, alleviating some pressure for the trans or non-binary person. By doing this, you take the burden off the community.
Be aware of your own gender perceptions and stereotypes It's natural to want to categorize everything, but this can get in the way of seeing people for who they are. You can't know someone's gender identity just by looking at them or observing their behavior. If you notice your perceptions of someone's gender as a fact, it can lead to misgendering. Let go of these assumptions!
Support trans and non-binary rights Support initiatives and policies that protect the rights of trans and non-binary people. This could be by signing petitions for equal access to healthcare, attending protests, or donating to organizations that serve the community. You can also make an impact by speaking up to an online store or company that only offers “Mr.” or “Ms.” as options for addressing people, or by letting a restaurant or café know if their restrooms aren't gender-inclusive.
Being a good ally to transgender and non-binary people isn't just about showing understanding; it's about actively contributing to a more inclusive society where everyone feels safe and accepted. By being proactive, listening, and taking responsibility, you can help create real change and build a world where everyone-no matter their gender identity-can be themselves.
When talking about transgender and non-binary people, you often hear the word 'ally', but what does it really mean? An ally is someone who doesn't belong to a certain group (in this case, not a transgender person), but supports and advocates for their safety, acceptance, and rights. Transgender and non-binary people are part of a marginalised group, meaning they often have less power and fewer opportunities in society due to how it is structured. That's why they need allies—people who help create a better society where everyone has equal chances. But how can you be a good ally?
Do's and don'ts Allies don’t just tolerate transgender and non-binary people; they also stand up for the community. They help make sure the community feels heard, accepted, and respected in society. Do you consider yourself an ally but aren’t sure how you can help transgender and non-binary people? Check out these tips!
Educate yourself! As an ally, it’s important to know what you're talking about. You can’t be an ally if you haven't taken the time to learn. So, make sure you do your research! Reading this blog is a good first step. You can also explore other blogs and reliable sites such as Transvisie, Transgender Netwerk, or Movisie.
Don’t use transgender or non-binary people as an encyclopaedia. It’s great that you want to learn more about transgender people, but constantly bombarding someone from this community with questions can feel overwhelming. Many transgender and non-binary people regularly face inappropriate or overly personal questions. Someone’s transgender identity doesn’t always need to be the topic of conversation. It can be better to do your own research than to quiz the person directly.
Ask about personal stories If you have a close relationship with someone who is trans or non-binary, create a safe space for them to talk about their needs, transition process, or feelings of dysphoria or euphoria. It’s also important to respect if someone doesn’t want to share their story. The goal is to provide space, not to dissect their experience. Every trans and non-binary person has their own unique story, and it’s essential to avoid assuming everyone shares the same experiences or opinions.
Pronouns, pronouns, pronouns We all have pronouns. Use your own pronouns in places like your email, social media bio, or in conversation. When introducing yourself, try saying: “Hi, I’m … and my pronouns are she/her, what are yours?” By doing this everywhere, you create a welcoming environment where you can support trans and non-binary people. You also ensure that they don’t have to be the first to state their pronouns, normalising sharing pronouns for everyone!
Speak up about mistakes or ignorance Many people use their lack of knowledge as an excuse to keep making mistakes. It can be tough for trans and non-binary people to face this, but allies can help. If you hear someone make a mistake, gently point it out and explain why it’s harmful. You can also help people learn how to use the right pronouns by practising talking about that person with others, alleviating some pressure for the trans or non-binary person. By doing this, you take the burden off the community.
Be aware of your own gender perceptions and stereotypes It’s natural to want to categorise everything, but this can get in the way of seeing people for who they are. You can't know someone’s gender identity just by looking at them or observing their behaviour. If you notice your perceptions of someone’s gender as a fact, it can lead to misgendering. Let go of these assumptions!
Support trans and non-binary rights Support initiatives and policies that protect the rights of trans and non-binary people. This could be by signing petitions for equal access to healthcare, attending protests, or donating to organizations that serve the community. You can also make an impact by speaking up to an online store or company that only offers 'Mr.' or 'Ms.' as options for addressing people, or by letting a restaurant or café know if their restrooms aren’t gender-inclusive.
Being a good ally to transgender and non-binary people isn’t just about showing understanding; it’s about actively contributing to a more inclusive society where everyone feels safe and accepted. By being proactive, listening, and taking responsibility, you can help create real change and build a world where everyone—no matter their gender identity—can be themselves.
Have you ever said something like, “I’m really trying, but I’m just adjusting,” or “They, he, she — I don’t get the difference,” or “I’m sorry in advance, but I’m bound to make mistakes; it’s just confusing”? If so, you might be feeling some discomfort, uncertainty, or fear of getting it wrong — and that’s understandable. That’s why we’ve written this guide to use pronouns correctly, designed especially for you.
Binary pronouns
Personal pronouns are used to refer to people without mentioning their names — for instance, “She’s over there; this is her bag.” Everyone uses pronouns, often without even noticing! Common pronouns include he/him and she/her, but these only account for the male/female binary, which can be limiting. Not everyone identifies as male or female, and using only those pronouns can be hurtful for some. Pronouns are often assumed based on someone’s appearance, but these assumptions can be incorrect, because we simply can’t determine someone’s gender identity based on their looks. For example, someone might dress in a way you see as feminine but might not use she/her pronouns. It’s also important to remember that gender identity can evolve or be fluid, meaning people may update their pronouns as they see fit.
Expanding language
He/him and she/her doesn’t allow for many people enough room to be themselves, so the Dutch language has added the pronouns die/diens and hen/hun (often used as they/them in English). The beauty of these additions is that everyone can choose the pronouns they feel best reflect their identity. For example, your colleague might prefer he/him, your teacher might go by she/they, and your friend might use they/them. Sometimes, people combine pronouns, like he/they or she/they. If someone has combined pronouns, it’s important to use both rather than sticking to just one, as they prefer both to be used.
Key points to remember: Instead of assuming someone’s pronouns based on appearance or unspoken rules, always ask which pronouns they use and make an effort to respect their choice. By asking, you avoid addressing someone incorrectly and reduce the risk of misgendering. Want to learn more about this? See our blog ‘How do you know another person's pronouns?’
Using she/her:
“She has such a great style; I’d love to check out them wardrobe
Using he/him:
“I knew him even before he became famous. She rose to fame because of his singing career.”
Using she/him:
“Those love collecting shoes — it’s truly their passion. Theyjust bought new shoes for their collection.”
“They love collecting shoes - it's truly his passion. They just bought new shows for his collection.”
Using he/they:
“I laughed so hard with Otto yesterday! She told me they stumbled in the train and ended up falling on an older passenger.”
“I laughed so hard with Otto yesterday! He told me they stumbled in the train and ended up falling on an older passenger.”
Using she/they:
“Annie is over there in the distance; you can spot them by their big red glasses.”
“Annie is over there in the distance; you can spot her by their big red glasses.”
Using they/them
“I have an appointment the day after tomorrow with they. They have completely forgotten their laptop at my place."
“I have an appointment the day after tomorrow with them. They have completely forgotten their laptop at my place.”
Using they/them
“They have always been interested in butterflies. Have you their butterfly garden yet?”
Have you ever said something like, “I'm really trying, but I'm just adjusting,” or “They, he, she - I don't get the difference,” or “I'm sorry in advance, but I'm bound to make mistakes; it's just confusing”? If so, you might be feeling some discomfort, uncertainty, or fear of getting it wrong - and that's understandable. That's why we've written this guide to use pronouns correctly, designed especially for you.
Binary pronouns Personal pronouns are used to refer to people without mentioning their names - for instance, “She's over there; this is her bag.” Everyone uses pronouns, often without even noticing! Common pronouns include he/him and she/her, but these only account for the male/female binary, which can be limiting. Not everyone identifies as male or female, and using only those pronouns can be hurtful for some. Pronouns are often assumed based on someone's appearance, but these assumptions can be incorrect, because we simply can't determine someone's gender identity based on their looks. For example, someone might dress in a way you see as feminine but might not use she/her pronouns. It's also important to remember that gender identity can evolve or be fluid, meaning people may update their pronouns as they see fit.
Expanding language He/him and she/her doesn't allow for many people enough room to be themselves, so the Dutch language has added the pronouns die/diens and hen/hun (often used as they/them in English). The beauty of these additions is that everyone can choose the pronouns they feel best reflect their identity. For example, your colleague might prefer he/him, your teacher might go by she/they, and your friend might use they/them. Sometimes, people combine pronouns, like he/they or she/they. If someone has combined pronouns, it's important to use both rather than sticking to just one, as they prefer both to be used.
Key points to remember: Instead of assuming someone's pronouns based on appearance or unspoken rules, always ask which pronouns they use and make an effort to respect their choice. By asking, you avoid addressing someone incorrectly and reduce the risk of misgendering. Want to learn more about this? See our blog “How can you know someone's pronouns?”
Using she/her: “She Has such a great style; I'd love to check out her wardrobe.”
Using he/him: “I've known him since he became famous. He rose to fame because of his singing career”
Using they/them: “They love collecting shoes - it's truly their passion. They just bought new shoes for their collection.”
Using he/they: “I laughed so hard with Otto yesterday! He told me they tripped on the train and ended up falling on an older passenger.”
Using she/they: “Annie is over there in the distance; you can spot her by their big red glasses.”
Using they/them: “I have a meeting with them the day after tomorrow. They left their laptop with me.”
Research by The Trevor Project (2022) shows that social support from family and the environment makes a significant difference for transgender and non-binary people. It helps them feel seen, heard, and accepted. One of the ways this support can be given is using the correct name and pronouns. But what do we mean by “correct,” what else is needed, and how can we incorporate all of this into parenting?
Listen, practice, and learn It is important that children feel heard. They don't just mention wanting to use new pronouns and/or a new name casually, or to experiment with them. Even though this might be new for you - and that's okay - it's important to listen and teach yourself to use the correct pronouns and/or name. If a child wants to use different pronouns and/or a different name after some time, give them the space to do so and try to go along with it. This shows them that you support them. What works against connection is questioning the child. This creates more distance than anything else. Trust that they will ask for what they need. Provide a healthy environment where they can express themselves and experiment with their (gender) identity.
What else can you do? In upbringing and through parenting, we see that children are often exposed to the current gender roles and norms in society. This can limit their freedom to develop their own identity. So, from the very start, you can expose children to gender-neutral toys, gender-neutral clothing, and inclusive statements to avoid this. For example, you can let a child born with male sex play with both a Barbie doll and a race car. And you can tell children born with female sex that they are strong. They probably hear enough about being sweet and cute already.
Another important point is to talk to your children about this subject. Tell them how the world works and how people often act based on assumptions. Emphasize that you, as a parent, believe your child can be whatever they want to be, and that there are no rules when it comes to gender. You want to give the child a balanced perspective and not limit their development. Be mindful not to go overboard, as you want to show children, in an accessible and free way, how systems in our society work, and let them experiment with these expressions themselves.
Finally, we want to mention that it's encouraged to use more gender-neutral words. For example, you could replace the words brother and sister with the word sibling. Additionally, when referring to your child, you could say my child instead of my daughter or son.
Your Own Gender Identity Are you, as a parent, transgender and/or non-binary? Welcome! Take the space to experiment with your own (gender) identity. Have a conversation with your child(ren) or partner(s) about how you would like to be addressed, even if this is not (yet) clear to yourself. If you want to change your pronouns, title, and/or name, that's okay. If terms like father, mother, mama, or papa don't feel right, choose another option. For instance, we also use terms like parent, baba, bibi, wawa, zaza, or mapa. You have the freedom to look for a term that feels comfortable, or you can even make one up!
Research by The Trevor Project (2022) shows that social support from family and the environment makes a significant difference for transgender and non-binary people. It helps them feel seen, heard, and accepted. One of the ways this support can be given is using the correct name and pronouns. But what do we mean by “correct,” what else is needed, and how can we incorporate all of this into parenting?
Listen, practice and learn It is important that children feel heard. They don’t just mention wanting to use new pronouns and/or a new name casually, or to experiment with them. Even though this might be new for you – and that’s okay – it’s important to listen and teach yourself to use the correct pronouns and/or name. If a child wants to use different pronouns and/or a different name after some time, give them the space to do so and try to go along with it. This shows them that you support them. What works against connection is questioning the child. This creates more distance than anything else. Trust that they will ask for what they need. Provide a healthy environment where they can express themselves and experiment with their (gender) identity.
What else can you do? In development and upbringing, we see children coming into frequent contact with heers gender roles and norms in society. This can cause ze to be restricted in the freeheid to develop hun own identity. Therefore, expose children to gender-free toys, gender-free clothing and inclusive comments from het the very beginning. For example, you can let children die male sex at birth zijn admitzen both a Barbie doll and a race car. And you can tell children die born with the female sex zijn, ze that ze tough zijn. That ze sweet and cute zijn, hear ze trueschij often enough.
Another important point is to talk to your children about this subject. Tell them how the world works and how people often act based on assumptions. Emphasise that you, as a parent, believe your child can be whatever they want to be, and that there are no rules when it comes to gender. You want to give the child a balanced perspective and not limit their development. Be mindful not to go overboard, as you want to show children, in an accessible and free way, how systems in our society work, and let them experiment with these expressions themselves.
Finally, we want to mention that it’s encouraged to use more gender-neutral words. For example, you could replace the words brother and sister with the word sibling. Additionally, when referring to your child, you could say my child instead of my daughter or son.
Your own gender identity Are you, as a parent, transgender and/or non-binary? Welcome! Take the space to experiment with your own (gender) identity. Have a conversation with your child(ren) or partner(s) about how you would like to be addressed, even if this is not (yet) clear to yourself. If you want to change your pronouns, title, and/or name, that’s okay. If terms like father, mother, mama, or papa don’t feel right, choose another option. For instance, we also use terms like parent, baba, bibi, wawa, zaza, or mapa. You have the freedom to look for a term that feels comfortable, or you can even make one up!
