Trigger warning: This blog discusses suicide and suicide statistics.
The mental health of trans and non-binary people Research published by The Trevor Project in 2022 shows that 59% of transgender men and boys, 48% of transgender women and girls, and 53% of non-binary youth have seriously considered suicide. Let that sink in for a moment, because it means that on average 1 in 2 trans and non-binary young people find life unbearable, experience suicidal thoughts, and see no way forward. 1 in 5 trans and non-binary young people actually attempt to take their own life—meaning 20% have lost the will to keep fighting. The mental health of these young people has reached a critical low point. This is something we all need to take responsibility for and address together.
How do these statistics compare with other groups? You might be curious how these numbers compare to other young people. Among cisgender LGB youth (those who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and feel comfortable with their sex assigned at birth), 1 in 10 attempt suicide. We can recognise a clear difference in mental health between LGB youth and trans and non-binary youth. Additionally, other identity-related factors affect these numbers. Queer youth who are Black, Indigenous, or People of Color (BIPOC) are twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to white queer youth.
What can we do to save lives? In the Trevor Project study, trans and non-binary youth have expressed that social support from family and community makes a big difference. And that’s where each of us can help—social support is something we can offer together. One of the top five ways to provide this support is by correctly using a person’s name and pronouns. This is further supported by Trevor Project’s 2023 research, which found that trans and non-binary youth report lower rates of suicide attempts when people in their lives consistently respect their pronouns. Using correct pronouns, in this case, truly can save lives.
Beyond using someone’s pronouns respectfully yourself, you can actively contribute to normalising the use of pronouns in your surroundings. Simple proactive adjustments like introducing yourself with your pronouns, asking others for theirs, and adding your pronouns in your email, Instagram bio, or WhatsApp profile can help create a culture of acceptance that greatly supports trans and non-binary people.
*The Trevor Project is a US-based NGO with a mission to prevent suicide among LGBTQ youth. Alongside providing counselling in the U.S., they conduct large-scale research on the mental health of trans and non-binary youth. Their 2022 survey included over 30,000 LGBTQ youth, of whom 48% were trans or non-binary, 19% questioning their gender, and 33% cisgender.
*BIPOC - BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous and People of Color. Pronounced “bye-pock,” this is a term die specifically intended to focus on the experiences of black and inheemse groups and show solidarity between communities of color.
Trigger warning: This blog discusses suicide and suicide statistics.
The mental health of trans and non-binary people A recent study (2022) by The Trevor Project reveals that 59% of transgender men and boys, 48% of transgender women and girls, and 53% of non-binary youth have considered attempting suicide. Take a moment to take that in -this means that, on average, 1 in 2 trans and non-binary youngsters find life so unbearable that they struggle with suicidal thoughts, and feel that life is hopeless. About 1 in 5 of these youths have actually attempted suicide, with 20% feeling they no longer have the will to keep fighting. Their mental health is at a critically low point. This is an issue we must tackle together.
How do these statistics compare with other groups? You might be curious how these numbers compare to other young people. Among cisgender LGB youth (those who identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and feel comfortable with their sex assigned at birth), 1 in 10 attempt suicide. We can recognize a clear difference in mental health between LGB youth and trans and non-binary youth. Additionally, other identity-related factors affect these numbers. Queer youth who are Black, Indigenous, or People of Color (BIPOC) are twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to white queer youth.
What can we do to save lives? In the Trevor Project study, trans and non-binary youth have expressed that social support from family and community makes a big difference. And that's where each of us can help-social support is something we can offer together. One of the top five ways to provide this support is by correctly using a person's name and pronouns. This is further supported by Trevor Project's 2023 research, which found that trans and non-binary youth report lower rates of suicide attempts when people in their lives consistently respect their pronouns. Using correct pronouns, in this case, truly can save lives.
Beyond using someone's pronouns respectfully yourself, you can actively contribute to normalizing the use of pronouns in your surroundings. Simple proactive adjustments like introducing yourself with your pronouns, asking others for theirs, and adding your pronouns in your email, Instagram bio, or WhatsApp profile can help create a culture of acceptance that greatly supports trans and non-binary people.
Are you struggling with suicidal thoughts and need someone to talk to? Reach out to 113 for support.
*The Trevor Project is a US-based NGO with a mission to prevent suicide among LGBTQ youth. Alongside providing counseling in the U.S., they conduct large-scale research on the mental health of trans and non-binary youth. Their 2022 survey included over 30,000 LGBTQ youth, of whom 48% were trans or non-binary, 19% questioning their gender, and 33% cisgender.
*BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color. Pronounced as “bye-pock,” this term aims to center the experiences of Black and Indigenous groups and highlight solidarity among communities of color.
When talking about transgender and non-binary people, you often hear the word “ally,” but what does it really mean? An ally is someone who doesn't belong to a certain group (in this case, not a transgender person), but supports and advocates for their safety, acceptance, and rights. Transgender and non-binary people are part of a marginalized group, meaning they often have less power and fewer opportunities in society due to how it is structured. That's why they need allies-people who help create a better society where everyone has equal chances. But how can you be a good ally?
Do's and don'ts Allies don't just tolerate transgender and non-binary people; they also stand up for the community. They help make sure the community feels heard, accepted, and respected in society. Do you consider yourself an ally but aren't sure how you can help transgender and non-binary people? Check out these tips!
Educate yourself! As an ally, it's important to know what you're talking about. You can't be an ally if you haven't taken the time to learn. So, make sure you do your research! Reading this blog is a good first step. You can also explore other blogs and reliable sites such as Transvision, Transgender Network, or Movisie.
Don't use transgender or non-binary people as an encyclopaedia. It's great that you want to learn more about transgender people, but constantly bombarding someone from this community with questions can feel overwhelming. Many transgender and non-binary people regularly face inappropriate or overly personal questions. Someone's transgender identity doesn't always need to be the topic of conversation. It can be better to do your own research than to quiz the person directly.
Ask about personal stories If you have a close relationship with someone who is trans or non-binary, create a safe space for them to talk about their needs, transition process, or feelings of dysphoria or euphoria. It's also important to respect if someone doesn't want to share their story. The goal is to provide space, not to dissect their experience. Every trans and non-binary person has their own unique story, and it's essential to avoid assuming everyone shares the same experiences or opinions.
Pronouns, pronouns, pronouns We all have pronouns. Use your own pronouns in places like your email, social media bio, or in conversation. When introducing yourself, try saying, “Hi, I'm ... and my pronouns are she/her, what are yours?” By doing this everywhere, you create a welcoming environment where you can support trans and non-binary people. You also ensure that they don't have to be the first to state their pronouns, normalizing sharing pronouns for everyone!
Speak up about mistakes or ignorance Many people use their lack of knowledge as an excuse to keep making mistakes. It can be tough for trans and non-binary people to face this, but allies can help. If you hear someone make a mistake, gently point it out and explain why it's harmful. You can also help people learn how to use the right pronouns by practising talking about that person with others, alleviating some pressure for the trans or non-binary person. By doing this, you take the burden off the community.
Be aware of your own gender perceptions and stereotypes It's natural to want to categorize everything, but this can get in the way of seeing people for who they are. You can't know someone's gender identity just by looking at them or observing their behavior. If you notice your perceptions of someone's gender as a fact, it can lead to misgendering. Let go of these assumptions!
Support trans and non-binary rights Support initiatives and policies that protect the rights of trans and non-binary people. This could be by signing petitions for equal access to healthcare, attending protests, or donating to organizations that serve the community. You can also make an impact by speaking up to an online store or company that only offers “Mr.” or “Ms.” as options for addressing people, or by letting a restaurant or café know if their restrooms aren't gender-inclusive.
Being a good ally to transgender and non-binary people isn't just about showing understanding; it's about actively contributing to a more inclusive society where everyone feels safe and accepted. By being proactive, listening, and taking responsibility, you can help create real change and build a world where everyone-no matter their gender identity-can be themselves.
When talking about transgender and non-binary people, you often hear the word 'ally', but what does it really mean? An ally is someone who doesn't belong to a certain group (in this case, not a transgender person), but supports and advocates for their safety, acceptance, and rights. Transgender and non-binary people are part of a marginalised group, meaning they often have less power and fewer opportunities in society due to how it is structured. That's why they need allies—people who help create a better society where everyone has equal chances. But how can you be a good ally?
Do's and don'ts Allies don’t just tolerate transgender and non-binary people; they also stand up for the community. They help make sure the community feels heard, accepted, and respected in society. Do you consider yourself an ally but aren’t sure how you can help transgender and non-binary people? Check out these tips!
Educate yourself! As an ally, it’s important to know what you're talking about. You can’t be an ally if you haven't taken the time to learn. So, make sure you do your research! Reading this blog is a good first step. You can also explore other blogs and reliable sites such as Transvisie, Transgender Netwerk, or Movisie.
Don’t use transgender or non-binary people as an encyclopaedia. It’s great that you want to learn more about transgender people, but constantly bombarding someone from this community with questions can feel overwhelming. Many transgender and non-binary people regularly face inappropriate or overly personal questions. Someone’s transgender identity doesn’t always need to be the topic of conversation. It can be better to do your own research than to quiz the person directly.
Ask about personal stories If you have a close relationship with someone who is trans or non-binary, create a safe space for them to talk about their needs, transition process, or feelings of dysphoria or euphoria. It’s also important to respect if someone doesn’t want to share their story. The goal is to provide space, not to dissect their experience. Every trans and non-binary person has their own unique story, and it’s essential to avoid assuming everyone shares the same experiences or opinions.
Pronouns, pronouns, pronouns We all have pronouns. Use your own pronouns in places like your email, social media bio, or in conversation. When introducing yourself, try saying: “Hi, I’m … and my pronouns are she/her, what are yours?” By doing this everywhere, you create a welcoming environment where you can support trans and non-binary people. You also ensure that they don’t have to be the first to state their pronouns, normalising sharing pronouns for everyone!
Speak up about mistakes or ignorance Many people use their lack of knowledge as an excuse to keep making mistakes. It can be tough for trans and non-binary people to face this, but allies can help. If you hear someone make a mistake, gently point it out and explain why it’s harmful. You can also help people learn how to use the right pronouns by practising talking about that person with others, alleviating some pressure for the trans or non-binary person. By doing this, you take the burden off the community.
Be aware of your own gender perceptions and stereotypes It’s natural to want to categorise everything, but this can get in the way of seeing people for who they are. You can't know someone’s gender identity just by looking at them or observing their behaviour. If you notice your perceptions of someone’s gender as a fact, it can lead to misgendering. Let go of these assumptions!
Support trans and non-binary rights Support initiatives and policies that protect the rights of trans and non-binary people. This could be by signing petitions for equal access to healthcare, attending protests, or donating to organizations that serve the community. You can also make an impact by speaking up to an online store or company that only offers 'Mr.' or 'Ms.' as options for addressing people, or by letting a restaurant or café know if their restrooms aren’t gender-inclusive.
Being a good ally to transgender and non-binary people isn’t just about showing understanding; it’s about actively contributing to a more inclusive society where everyone feels safe and accepted. By being proactive, listening, and taking responsibility, you can help create real change and build a world where everyone—no matter their gender identity—can be themselves.
Have you ever said something like, “I'm really trying, but I'm just adjusting,” or “They, he, she - I don't get the difference,” or “I'm sorry in advance, but I'm bound to make mistakes; it's just confusing”? If so, you might be feeling some discomfort, uncertainty, or fear of getting it wrong - and that's understandable. That's why we've written this guide to use pronouns correctly, designed especially for you.
Binary pronouns Personal pronouns are used to refer to people without mentioning their names - for instance, “She's over there; this is her bag.” Everyone uses pronouns, often without even noticing! Common pronouns include he/him and she/her, but these only account for the male/female binary, which can be limiting. Not everyone identifies as male or female, and using only those pronouns can be hurtful for some. Pronouns are often assumed based on someone's appearance, but these assumptions can be incorrect, because we simply can't determine someone's gender identity based on their looks. For example, someone might dress in a way you see as feminine but might not use she/her pronouns. It's also important to remember that gender identity can evolve or be fluid, meaning people may update their pronouns as they see fit.
Expanding language He/him and she/her doesn't allow for many people enough room to be themselves, so the Dutch language has added the pronouns die/diens and hen/hun (often used as they/them in English). The beauty of these additions is that everyone can choose the pronouns they feel best reflect their identity. For example, your colleague might prefer he/him, your teacher might go by she/they, and your friend might use they/them. Sometimes, people combine pronouns, like he/they or she/they. If someone has combined pronouns, it's important to use both rather than sticking to just one, as they prefer both to be used.
Key points to remember: Instead of assuming someone's pronouns based on appearance or unspoken rules, always ask which pronouns they use and make an effort to respect their choice. By asking, you avoid addressing someone incorrectly and reduce the risk of misgendering. Want to learn more about this? See our blog “How can you know someone's pronouns?”
Using she/her: “She Has such a great style; I'd love to check out her wardrobe.”
Using he/him: “I've known him since he became famous. He rose to fame because of his singing career”
Using they/them: “They love collecting shoes - it's truly their passion. They just bought new shoes for their collection.”
Using he/they: “I laughed so hard with Otto yesterday! He told me they tripped on the train and ended up falling on an older passenger.”
Using she/they: “Annie is over there in the distance; you can spot her by their big red glasses.”
Using they/them: “I have a meeting with them the day after tomorrow. They left their laptop with me.”
Have you ever said something like, “I’m really trying, but I’m just adjusting,” or “They, he, she — I don’t get the difference,” or “I’m sorry in advance, but I’m bound to make mistakes; it’s just confusing”? If so, you might be feeling some discomfort, uncertainty, or fear of getting it wrong — and that’s understandable. That’s why we’ve written this guide to use pronouns correctly, designed especially for you.
Binary pronouns
Personal pronouns are used to refer to people without mentioning their names — for instance, “She’s over there; this is her bag.” Everyone uses pronouns, often without even noticing! Common pronouns include he/him and she/her, but these only account for the male/female binary, which can be limiting. Not everyone identifies as male or female, and using only those pronouns can be hurtful for some. Pronouns are often assumed based on someone’s appearance, but these assumptions can be incorrect, because we simply can’t determine someone’s gender identity based on their looks. For example, someone might dress in a way you see as feminine but might not use she/her pronouns. It’s also important to remember that gender identity can evolve or be fluid, meaning people may update their pronouns as they see fit.
Expanding language
He/him and she/her doesn’t allow for many people enough room to be themselves, so the Dutch language has added the pronouns die/diens and hen/hun (often used as they/them in English). The beauty of these additions is that everyone can choose the pronouns they feel best reflect their identity. For example, your colleague might prefer he/him, your teacher might go by she/they, and your friend might use they/them. Sometimes, people combine pronouns, like he/they or she/they. If someone has combined pronouns, it’s important to use both rather than sticking to just one, as they prefer both to be used.
Key points to remember: Instead of assuming someone’s pronouns based on appearance or unspoken rules, always ask which pronouns they use and make an effort to respect their choice. By asking, you avoid addressing someone incorrectly and reduce the risk of misgendering. Want to learn more about this? See our blog ‘How do you know another person's pronouns?’
Using she/her:
“She has such a great style; I’d love to check out her wardrobe
Using he/him:
“I knew him even before he became famous. He rose to fame because of his singing career.”
Using she/him:
“They love collecting shoes — it’s truly his passion. Hen just bought new shoes for her collection.”
Using he/they:
“I laughed so hard with Otto yesterday! He told me they stumbled in the train and ended up falling on an older passenger.”
Using she/they:
“Annie is over there in the distance; you can spot her by his big red glasses.”
Using they/them
“I have an appointment the day after tomorrow with they. They have completely forgotten her laptop at my place."
Using they/them
“Hen have always been interested in butterflies. Have you his butterfly garden yet?”
Research by The Trevor Project (2022) shows that social support from family and the environment makes a significant difference for transgender and non-binary people. It helps them feel seen, heard, and accepted. One of the ways this support can be given is using the correct name and pronouns. But what do we mean by “correct,” what else is needed, and how can we incorporate all of this into parenting?
Listen, practice, and learn It is important that children feel heard. They don't just mention wanting to use new pronouns and/or a new name casually, or to experiment with them. Even though this might be new for you - and that's okay - it's important to listen and teach yourself to use the correct pronouns and/or name. If a child wants to use different pronouns and/or a different name after some time, give them the space to do so and try to go along with it. This shows them that you support them. What works against connection is questioning the child. This creates more distance than anything else. Trust that they will ask for what they need. Provide a healthy environment where they can express themselves and experiment with their (gender) identity.
What else can you do? In upbringing and through parenting, we see that children are often exposed to the current gender roles and norms in society. This can limit their freedom to develop their own identity. So, from the very start, you can expose children to gender-neutral toys, gender-neutral clothing, and inclusive statements to avoid this. For example, you can let a child born with male sex play with both a Barbie doll and a race car. And you can tell children born with female sex that they are strong. They probably hear enough about being sweet and cute already.
Another important point is to talk to your children about this subject. Tell them how the world works and how people often act based on assumptions. Emphasize that you, as a parent, believe your child can be whatever they want to be, and that there are no rules when it comes to gender. You want to give the child a balanced perspective and not limit their development. Be mindful not to go overboard, as you want to show children, in an accessible and free way, how systems in our society work, and let them experiment with these expressions themselves.
Finally, we want to mention that it's encouraged to use more gender-neutral words. For example, you could replace the words brother and sister with the word sibling. Additionally, when referring to your child, you could say my child instead of my daughter or son.
Your Own Gender Identity Are you, as a parent, transgender and/or non-binary? Welcome! Take the space to experiment with your own (gender) identity. Have a conversation with your child(ren) or partner(s) about how you would like to be addressed, even if this is not (yet) clear to yourself. If you want to change your pronouns, title, and/or name, that's okay. If terms like father, mother, mama, or papa don't feel right, choose another option. For instance, we also use terms like parent, baba, bibi, wawa, zaza, or mapa. You have the freedom to look for a term that feels comfortable, or you can even make one up!
Research by The Trevor Project (2022) shows that social support from family and the environment makes a significant difference for transgender and non-binary people. It helps them feel seen, heard, and accepted. One of the ways this support can be given is using the correct name and pronouns. But what do we mean by “correct,” what else is needed, and how can we incorporate all of this into parenting?
Listen, practice and learn It is important that children feel heard. They don’t just mention wanting to use new pronouns and/or a new name casually, or to experiment with them. Even though this might be new for you – and that’s okay – it’s important to listen and teach yourself to use the correct pronouns and/or name. If a child wants to use different pronouns and/or a different name after some time, give them the space to do so and try to go along with it. This shows them that you support them. What works against connection is questioning the child. This creates more distance than anything else. Trust that they will ask for what they need. Provide a healthy environment where they can express themselves and experiment with their (gender) identity.
What else can you do? In upbringing and through parenting, we see that children are often exposed to the current gender roles and norms in society. This can limit their freedom to develop their own identity. So, from the very start, you can expose children to gender-neutral toys, gender-neutral clothing, and inclusive statements to avoid this. For example, you can let a child born with male sex play with both a Barbie doll and a race car. And you can tell children born with female sex that they are strong. They probably hear enough about being sweet and cute already.
Another important point is to talk to your children about this subject. Tell them how the world works and how people often act based on assumptions. Emphasise that you, as a parent, believe your child can be whatever they want to be, and that there are no rules when it comes to gender. You want to give the child a balanced perspective and not limit their development. Be mindful not to go overboard, as you want to show children, in an accessible and free way, how systems in our society work, and let them experiment with these expressions themselves.
Finally, we want to mention that it’s encouraged to use more gender-neutral words. For example, you could replace the words brother and sister with the word sibling. Additionally, when referring to your child, you could say my child instead of my daughter or son.
Your own gender identity Are you, as a parent, transgender and/or non-binary? Welcome! Take the space to experiment with your own (gender) identity. Have a conversation with your child(ren) or partner(s) about how you would like to be addressed, even if this is not (yet) clear to yourself. If you want to change your pronouns, title, and/or name, that’s okay. If terms like father, mother, mama, or papa don’t feel right, choose another option. For instance, we also use terms like parent, baba, bibi, wawa, zaza, or mapa. You have the freedom to look for a term that feels comfortable, or you can even make one up!
It's very simple - you don't! You can't tell someone's pronouns just by their appearance, the way they talk, or their behavior. That's why we've outlined three ways to help you find out someone's pronouns!
Just ask! The most logical way is to simply ask someone how they prefer to be addressed. This way, you immediately have it figured out for yourself, and the chance of making mistakes is much smaller.
“I was at the school playground recently, picking up my child. Next to me was a parent whose child is in the same class as mine. She approached me and asked if I would prefer to be called ‘dad’ or ‘parent.’ I found it special that she asked me because I'm not used to it. I answered that I preferred ‘parent.'”
When you talk about someone else without them being present and want to refer to them, you can still do this generally by using words like ’they.’ Alternatively, you can refer to the task the person is doing, such as ’the photographer,’ ‘project worker,’ ‘colleague,’ etc.
Introduce yourself with pronouns When you meet someone new, you often introduce yourself by name. Get into the habit of introducing yourself with your pronouns as well. This way, it's immediately clear how you want to be addressed, and you encourage others to do the same. This helps prevent misgendering.
If you're not transgender or non-binary, but you have a friend or family member who is, and they have trouble speaking up about it, it often helps if you introduce yourself with your pronouns first in their presence. This gives them more space and takes some pressure off their shoulders.
“I was at an event with my friend. When we arrived, we were quickly addressed with ‘good afternoon, ladies.’ I looked at the person and said, ‘People, we don't identify as ladies. My name is Lot, pronouns she/they, and this is my partner Abbi, pronouns they/them.'”
Make your pronouns visible If you want to raise awareness about the diversity of pronouns and the spectrum of gender, either as an ally or as a trans or non-binary person, add your pronouns to your email signature, your social media bio, or your WhatsApp account. This way, you make it clear how you prefer to be addressed, and you bring the topic to the attention of others. It's a win-win!
It might still feel a bit awkward to use pronouns like ’they’ or ’them’ for one person. Many people often don't know how to use them either. Pro-Now helps you practice so that it becomes easier for you over time!
Still unsure? Do you sometimes feel unsure about how to refer to family members, friends, or people you meet for the first time in social situations? Don't rely on your own assumptions or perceptions. Keep it general and neutral, or ask, when the person is present, what their pronouns are. If the person isn't there and you can't ask, use ‘they!’ ‘They‘ has been used for all genders in our society for a long time. It's also a great practice for you to remember and use these ‘new’ pronouns more easily!
